Sometimes, I taste my words as they erase the countless ‘I love you’s that I said tirelessly as though they had been piled on my tongue waiting for your emergence; they gnaw at my heart, making broken fibers bleed all over again.
Need I say that I miss you? I just can’t wrap my head around the difference because I did whilst you were here and I still do though you’ve been gone for long. I thought the words will change, but they are still the same and I only feel the difference in my heart as what used to be longing has changed to intense pain.
When I’m back to this seat that carried me through nights that failed to turn dark as hearing your voice lit up my skies, I remember how all the words I never thought I would believe became truth because you walked into my life and I cry over the moments that made me smile till my cheeks hurt.
I’m trying to hold on to the beauty of our memories and explore the joy that they birth, but I sense the haze and like black paint turned into a cone of white paint, I see that hate is pervading through all we shared, leaving untagged lines that are undesirable.